to all the men i've loved before... pt. 3

scrawled 11.10.2005 by miss.abi | E-mail this post

.audio.

pass the lye
so I can
lather this skin
wash off the filth
of sweat you dripped
when we made love

no

when we made lies
as we lied there
you
baiting hooks
that snared my dreams
spun fairytales
appealed to my
princess side
called me queen
so
queen I became
of a desolate kingdom
a self-enforced martyr
to suffer the ills of her
only subject

subject myself I did
to your words
which used to take my breath away
and then
just robbed it
forcing gasped breaths
that I
couldn’t seem to catch
and its
been so long since ive cried

pulled the hook out
from inside of my mouth
felt the flesh rip as
blood dripped
from my lips
onto pages of
pathetic attempts to
write out the pain
but
tears no longer remain
and its time
for the hate to
disappear as well
because to hate you
means
that I acknowledge your presence

so im
saying goodbye to you tonight
performing my most
personal cleansing ritual
with this pen,
this
paper
this
box of memories at my feet
each expulsion of ink
extracting you from my heart

these words
are written in blood
mixed with the last tears
my eyes shall shed for you
because

I am writing you out of my life tonight

your image
shall no longer hold court in my memories
your saccharine-coated lies
no longer taste as sweet on my tongue

because tonight
im letting go of pain
saying goodbye to hate
putting an end to your memory
for good.