split.decision

scrawled 2.10.2005 by miss.abi | E-mail this post

Habitual liar.
This heart
has a tendency for vagrancy.
A negligent resident,
locked in a tenement of lies.
I want to
rip out the left ventricle…
to make it a..l....l
right.
Silence the pumping sounds of
lub-dub
lub-dub
love-doub-
-les your pleasure, triples your pain.

I
remain
a study in bifurcation.
mentally split between
seeking affection
and
embracing your aloofness.
Sick of this
myth of sisyphus.
back too weak to
carry the rock up the hill
again.
I'm
sick of pretending and broken from bending
spending a lifetime on my knees
bowing to
emotions that leave me dizzy.
I want to be empty.
Because I can't handle being full.

Here.
Take this heart, I
don't want it anymore.
Take this mind, I
forgot how to use it.
Why must my brain be so right? I
wish it possessed the logic of the left side.
Then maybe I wouldn't play
victim to false reality…
…looks like freedom, feels like death.
I guess
it's somewhere in between...
The dream
is over.
Rewind the game to the beginning.
The choosing of sides has begun